I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
