the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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