just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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