if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize