I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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