everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize