Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
