It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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