They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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