so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
