my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize