fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do herpes really smell.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
