Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
