I accidentally had phone sex last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
