Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
