I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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