I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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