Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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