i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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