why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
