on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
