I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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