you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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