i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
