This girl is more easily done than said...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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