i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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