It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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