I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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