i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
