I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Operation Purity has been aborted
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
