so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
