I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
