Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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