Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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