i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
