After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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