Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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