It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Randomize
