Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
