Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
