mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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