I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
