its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
