you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize