High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
