do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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