I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize