i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
