Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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