Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
