Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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