You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
