do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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