I'm really into asian looking animals
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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