I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
