New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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