its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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