I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
