I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We need to get me chipped asap
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
