Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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