So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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