I am in a vortex of obligation.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
