high people should be assigned attendants
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
