im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize