My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
