Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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