Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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