Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
